There has been a life long battle in my head between these ideas.
I desire more. Not in a negative way. I just always feel it can be better. I want to do better. I want more.
Then and the same time, I feel guilty that I am being ungrateful.
So for a long time I starved my dreams. I didn’t allow myself to push towards these things in my life that I want to accomplish. I would only take the incredible amount of action I needed to take to accomplish a goal when I was at risk of losing something I already have.
I would only take the incredible amount of action I needed to take to accomplish a goal when I was at risk of losing something I already have.
As a result, I cheated myself in the areas of focus and effort when progress in my life was happening outside of my control.
I have been challenged by several friends and mentors in my life. They saw this trend in my performance long before I recognized it. They would call it “fear of dreaming.” They would tell me, “Scott, you are great when you back is against the wall. You need to figure out how to channel that same level of execution when circumstances are on your side.”
The root cause of this issue has finally come to a head. Discontent and the fear of seeming ungrateful for my life have been at war in my subconscious. This has kept me in a place where I am great and protecting, but slow in achieving.
A daily practice has changed this for me. Starting in October of 2017, I started a daily practice to journal my gratitude and my goals every morning and every night. This forced me to allow what I am grateful for and what I desire to exist side by side. It’s connected me to goals and dreams I have buried in my mind. And it’s forced me to come face to face with reality.
Discontent, or really a strong desire of progress, is not at odds with gratitude. They exist in the same space. In fact, they fuel each other. I don’t need to feel guilty about wanting what I want in life anymore than I should tolerate negativity around what I have.
My dreams, goals, desires, and appetite to make things better than they are have been placed in me. I was created with these desires, and burying them will only push me into a dark place.
I hope this idea encourages you if you have ever felt guilty about pursuing your dreams. You’re free to be grateful and desire more in the same space. It’s ok. In fact, it’s the way you were created.
Also published on Medium.